The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
