WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
