You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
