Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
