so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
