The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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