Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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