I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
