My sheets look like a crime scene.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
porn star boner night. come get it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Randomize
