burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
