Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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