i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
