Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
