Can i not drive my cunt home
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
