'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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