i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
