do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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