It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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