Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
