My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
