My room smells like vodka and shame
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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