I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
