She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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