Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Randomize
