she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
