they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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