We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think your dad took our porno
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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