There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
