I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just want to make out with him forever
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
