i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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