cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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