Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
