It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
