Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
