when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
