I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
