i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
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He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
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Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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