just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
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He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
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He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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