My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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