so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
