why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
