I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
