No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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