Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
