last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
