Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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