i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We were destined to go to rehab together
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
