I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
