Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
