Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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