...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
accomplished twins. life is a go
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
