"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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