We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
