he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
