fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
