Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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